Wednesday, December 10, 2008

over my head.

I've been blogging in my head more than on paper, or on the web this past week. I can't even begin to tell you all the things that I've had on my mind.

After writing out the 16 things about myself that I didn't think people knew, I got to thinking more about my life, and my future.

That was quickly put on the back burner by my fast approaching trip to Chicago. I've been building this up for 6 months now. I bought my ticket in July, even before I traveled to Vietnam, and Beijing. It's been on the calendar, and I've counted down the days. With every "X" that I marked through the date, it became that much more real.

Well, it's now the final stretch. And I am coming home in 2 weeks. 2 weeks from today, I'll be on a plane, traveling 7,000 miles to see family and friends that I haven't seen in almost a year and a half. Surely, there are people out there who haven't seen family in even longer than that, but I'm not them. I am me. This was a long time for me --- the longest I've ever gone without seeing family.

It took me a long time to accept being so far away. At first, I really was excited to come here. However, after the initial excitement wore off of living somewhere new; I was unfortunately really homesick for a while. I eventually got over that, and living here became normal. I adapted to everything that I needed to adapt to, and it's been fairly easy ever since. But then again, I guess when you fall into a routine, the every day monotonous activities make it easy to adapt.

Many things are racing through my head. I'm sure I'm just over worrying myself-- but I hear the first trip home is always the hardest. What will we talk about? What will people think of me? Will I be able to pick up from where I left off with friends?! It just all worries me. It shouldn't.. but it does. How will my family react to me. My sister was 11 years old when I left, and now she's 13--- will she resent me that I've been gone and out of her life, or will she embrace it and be accepting and happy to see me?

I'm also worried about gaining all the weight I've lost since I've been here. Something else that I shouldn't worry about, but I have to. 90 percent of people that lose weight, gain it all back. They left themself slip off the wagon. Even Oprah admitted recently to a 40 lb. weight gain, and a one way ticket to the 200lb. + club.

I'm just anxious, nervous, scared, and definitely excited for my trip home.

1 comment:

Em said... many similar things going through my head, and i'm not even heading home! hitting the one year mark of being away has really been sinking in, and when i think about how much has changed about me, i continually wonder how i'll be able to pick up where i left off when i left.

and i didn't know that "oma" was also grandmother in korean, but i like it!