Friday, September 29, 2006

If I could just lay there....

So I may be on a negativity kick the past week or so, but I am just constantly reminded on how freaking unhappy I am as of late.

What is it that has made me feel this way? I am convinced that it is an accumulation of things... I can't pretend to be happy, I think part of me has done that for so long. Everyone sees this excited, over the top Ray, but that is not who I really am.

I just wish I was not in grad school, I wish I was not in so much debt, and I wish that I was just in love and going on with my life.

I have a friend that just got a new car, she's saving up for her wedding, and she has a real job as a nurse in a hospital. Another year just moved to Chicago and got a great job and is supporting herself. But here I am, big bad Ray who was going to do something great.... 50,000 in debt and unhappy and nothing to show for it. I'm usually not the jealous type, I had a great upbringing.. I've never done without.

I know what everyone is going to tell me.. I have to find a way to fix what is bothering me.. Blah, that is fine. Someone just take me out for a beer and be my friend. :(

1 comment:

alwiese said...

Hey beautiful,

I won't tell you to fix your problems, because life isn't that simply, but I do believe you have to do the best you can, with what you have, where you are.

Don't be jealous, everyone has their own problems. Your wants are normal. I feel the same way, I'm frustrated to still be at school, I want to move on with my life, fall in love, and live happily ever after. But how can we enjoy that unless we work and struggle to get there.

Love you.