Thursday, February 05, 2009


So, I find myself pouring a glass of wine at 12:20 am. What have I become? I have always been a night owl, no matter what I do in the evenings to tire myself out, I still can't sleep before 2-- this is remarkable since I work 10.5 shifts and I work out for an hour every night. boo!

I wrote a friend this morning. We were great friends and study partners in grad school, and we keep in touch now. Although not as much as I'd like, we email every other month or so. Anyways, I found out tonight that her and her husband are now expecting a baby!

My immediate reaction was, "wow!" and I am extremely happy for both of them. I am also really jealous and I just can't help it! So many of my friends have gotten married since I've lived in Korea, and now they are starting to have kids or already have kids.

I guess my problem is that five years ago, I thought I would be more settled than I am now. I always had a life plan, and coming to Korea was never part of it. I guess I have probably mentioned this before. Obviously, I can't run off and get married and have babies as easily as others (for obvious reasons of course) but I'd surely like to! I want nothing more than to start my own family and have a solid career.

I guess, depending what you believe in, we all have our own paths and everything happens for a reason- right? I wish I understood more of what my path was. I know what I want it to be, but it's not happening that way. I'm scared shit less to go back to school, and start a second master's degree-- maybe that is where these feelings are coming from.

Alas, sleep.

No comments: